Days 55-66

Well, that was fun.

Since we talked last, I went home to San Diego, stayed in bed with the flu, returned to Utah, missed a huge exam, made up said exam, whined a lot, and all the while stood (metaphorically speaking) on the edge of a cliff and waited to see if everything in my comfortable bubble would fall apart.

In other words, it's been one hell of a time.

But fear not, I'm back. And as usual, I've been thinking about you and this blob.

Sometimes I have to go here and take a peek at the "mission statement" for The Twentieth Year. I need to remind myself, why I started this project and what I want to accomplish through it. The point was to record good things, to focus on the highlights of this pivotal moment in my life.

It is a learning experience and things have, at times, taken a turn down a road I hadn't anticipated.

For example, what was supposed to be daily has become (as you may have noticed) well, not so daily.

I guess I felt that if I didn't have anything good to say, then I shouldn't say anything at all.

But over the past 11 days, a new thought struck me. It's nothing ground-breaking, I assure you.

In fact, it's almost laughable in its simplicity: Maybe, I should remember the bad things too.

See? Pretty bland.

Now rest assured, I don't for one minute want this to be a veritable angst-fest of shaky emotions. Been there, done that, didn't like it. But I do want to be honest. No sugar coating of memories. No long stretches of silence when life is less than fantastic. If that's to be the approach, them we might not talk for a very long time. Because as my dear friend Reilly French loves to declare, you can't always win.

So this is me being honest.

In the last month I have dealt with things far beyond my experience and maturity level. Somehow, I have been the sane one even when everyone else involved were nearing retirement age. It has fallen to me to give solid advice on life changing decisions. And despite feeling small and childlike, I was the grown-up.

It was exhausting.

An it taught me that adulthood is stressful.

In eleven days when my age shifts from 19 to 20 (Yes, this is the birthday month!) the only thing I will gain is more to do. Granted, I am very calm in nature and 'party-girl' is the last label anyone would stick on my file, but still, my twenties are shaping up to be filled with just as much responsibility as before.

I guess they weren't lying when they told me that the only thing I can count on is change....