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Are you there readers? It's me, Sarah.
It's been a week since we chatted last. Apologies. Suffice it to say that my life since the announcement of the move can be summed up in one word: BOOM.
One thing I can say about this latest and most tremendous trial is that it has forced me to reflect on my life from the perspective of just me.
In fact, Sunday night as I stood packed tightly in a friend's home with 100 other people, I had the chance, just for a moment, to close my eyes and focus completely on the strange and oddly cliche feeling of being alone in a crowded room.
To be honest it was more comforting that unnerving. For thirty seconds I felt hyper-aware of me; my body, my thoughts and feelings. For thirty seconds I felt secure. Because in that short span of time, no more that a fleck on eternity, my life, my well being and my happiness were not dependent on the circumstances of another.
Friends, it was utterly invigorating.
I love my family, and for reason's that are difficult to articulate, I know that my life will never be a completely separate unit from theirs. But that doesn't mean that my life has too look the same way when I am my parents age.
Despite the tears and long, frustrated phone calls, I take quiet comfort in knowing that as of right now, not quite twenty years old, I have lived a life without regrets. Sure there maybe was the occasional smart remark taken too far, or things that I could have avoided that would have spared momentary pain or discomfort, but on the whole, my life is a blank slate.
I have not made any decision that would change the path of my future for the worst forever. Nothing damaging. Nothing irrevocable.
I am not haunted by the ghost of yesterday, but liberated by the promise of tomorrow.
Even if tomorrow is all that gets me through today.
*****
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing it loud
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